went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
