My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
