we have pet lesbian snakes
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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