I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
