I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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