The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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