Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
