Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
