I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
