I puked a lego.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
