There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
