Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
