Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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