he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
