You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize