I have demons in me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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