My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
