i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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