So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
