It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
