I need to stop coming to work sober
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
