okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
