Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He passed out mid-signature
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
do nipples grow back?
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