thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
