Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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