Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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