He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
