Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
