i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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