drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
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I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize