I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
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You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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