At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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