her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
