you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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