remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize