Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
