I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
