The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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