turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
