So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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