You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?