Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth