It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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