i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
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I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.