yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.