I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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