What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
