I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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