if i can run in heels then i can drive
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
