His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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