just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
