1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
