i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
