Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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