Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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