Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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