I think I am morally bankrupt
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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