from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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