She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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