those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
