Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Semen is not good for contacts.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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