On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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