I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
